Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Happy New Year ?!?!?!!?

It's been a while since I've updated this blog and I think I owed it to myself to at least put a final post here to recap the wonderful year I've been through in 2007. I've been wanting to do this for a very long time but because of recent developments my recap has to wait while I pen down what has been happening the past 72 hours.

I've never liked new year that much because it's just another day with a brand new calendar. The new year doesn't automatically change who you are overnight nor does it change anything that has happened so far.

It's was a Sunday afternoon when I got the call saying that someone close to me is in the hospital. My heart just skipped a beat. This man although is not blood related to me but he has been a big influence in my life and has guided me through difficult times is now lying unconcious in a hospital. He went to sleep as usual on Saturday night after dinner and watching the tv and the next morning never awoke.

I knew about his cancer about 1 or 2 years ago and although the doctor at that time said operation was out of the question I assumed with all the treatment and medication he was getting it would at least control his sickness. Never was I prepared for such a shocking news towards end of year especially with 3-4 deaths happening around my family members this year. This was definitely the last news I would expect to get especially with the New Year day looming so close.

I did as much as I could before leaving the house to rush to the hospital. Booked a flight ticket for his wife who is currently overseas. Did some research on the net as to how serious his condition was and then rushed immediately to the hospital on Sunday afternoon. I was a wreck and although this person was not a family member but he treated me like a son. I tried calling some friends to share the bad news with them and as I spoke I just broke down. The memory of my dad in the hospital few years back. The memory of my grandmother in a coma few months back. The pain and hurt came gushing all in at once and it was overwhelming.

To those who had to put up with my whining and sobbing thank you for sharing your ears. Though death is part and parcel of life and something that we have to deal with sooner or later but this man meant a lot to me and I can't possible be crying while I'm in the hospital right ? So I had to let it all go before I got there.

What's more dissapointing is when you try to call that someone that might understand what's going on or at least have a faint idea and you can't get hold of them and after numerous text messages and phone calls there is still no reply. What hurts is knowing that it could have been a family member or even myself lying in the bed and the possibility of me just leaving the world without anyone knowing was so real and so painful that it just sent shivers down my spine. Goes to show how fragile life really is and how every passing minute could be your last.

Was in the hospital until almost midnight on Sunday and went back in on Monday morning where I spent another 10 hours or so and will be heading there again now. Spending new years in the hospital beside an unconscious man was definitely not something I think I would be doing but I'm happy I got the chanee to at least spend time with him and talk to him and tell him how much he has influenced me.

Gotta go just got a call saying his breathing is erratic. sigh. Quick update the doctors asked to prepare for the worst as his condition might be deteriorating. I'm very tired and going to get a quick nap.