Thursday, January 03, 2008

Some good news ?? yes no ?!?!?

Sometimes it's amazing how someone can be so cruel and heartless all at the same time without even a look of guilt on their face or remorse or compassion. When someone who has been lying unconscious on the bed for the 3 days on on the fourth day there was some response and he was trying to open his eyes and there was movement in the hand you would think it's good right ?

Anyone who has gone through 3 straight days watching a person you care about suddenly have some response it would have been one of the best moments in your life. As though your prayers had been answered and things are going to be better and then out of nowhere comes this moron dressed in white and with his high and mighty voice say that it's a good sign but because of the amount of stress the body has been through things might just deteriorate and things might get worst. Talk about being a wet blanket. The idiot doctor practically pulled the one thing that you were holding on to which was hope, picks it up, throws in on the floor and does a little dance routine while laughing a evil laughter that can be heard from all the floors.

Well at least that's how it felt for me. Aren't doctors suppose to be optimistic and give patients hope so that no matter how bad the situation is the patient will feel the need to get better or have a strong will to help the body get stronger ? Aren't doctors nowadays thought compassion or empathy or is it because of all the people dying daily around them and someone lying in the bed is just another someone, just a person referenced by his ward and bed number ?

Is it a doctors duty and obligation not to become attached to their patient so that they can go to sleep peacefully at night knowing that as a doctor they have done all that they can ? Remove the white coat and what do you get ? Just another human being that is suppose to have feelings and compassion and empathy ? Is this called professionalism where you draw the line between work and feelings and not let feelings get in the way ? What makes a good doctor ? Someone who has the best certificate from the best university and along with that a heart of stone ? or someone who isn't such a brainiac but knows what he/she is doing and on top of that knows to show compassion and empathy ?

It's just so freaking arrrrghhhhhhhhhh .. no words to describe how it feels like. Suddenly such happy moments doesn't seem to be happy anymore. Just an update he has opened his eyes a few times and there's some movement in his hand and fingers which I would take as a positive sign on the other note his eyes are so yellow and his skin and face also are having a slight shade of yellow which obviously doesn't seem to be a good sign but I'm still hoping and praying. Suddenly the reality of not sleeping properly since Sunday and having 4-5 hours of light sleep daily is taking it's toll.

Time doesn't seem to make any sense anymore as the only difference you can feel or know that time is actually moving is by looking up the sky and suddenly it's dark or suddenly it's bright. It's as though time stood still and lost its meaning as I try to make sense of all that's happening and what might happen if things get better or god forbid even worst. As much as I hope for the best the possibility of something going bad is just as real.

What pissed me off even more was when people come to visit and because they are happy to hear that he has some response so everyone wants to take turn calling his name and sees if he wakes up. Like hello !!!!!! Is this some kind of circus act or you just want to know that he recognizes your voice when you call his name ? Hasn't the poor man suffered enough, shouldn't he be getting a rest ? You have seen it with your own eyes that he responses when his name is called. Does it give you satisfaction by queuing up like the rest and seeing if you can get the same reaction ?!?!?!? Sometimes just felt like slapping them you know ...

Anyway it was time to get back to work after missing work for two days and told him to get better as everyone is eagerly waiting to see him on his feet again with his quirky and weird sense of humor. I said my goodbyes and walked out of the hospital heading back into life and reality.