Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Enough - is there such a thing ?

When is enough really enough ? Have been meeting up with many of my old friends this past few weeks and some of them I haven't seen in ages. So obviously one of the topic of conversations would be what we have been up to all this while. Before meeting them I thought I was doing pretty okay in life with the stable job, a car, a house and a close group of friends. Only to realise that they have been planning and working towards a goal which at this present moment of time is not even on my list.

Okay maybe the fact that some of them are married and now with kids their priorities in life are very much different than mine but just the fact that we are the same age and some of them have like 2-3 houses and have setup an education fund for the kid and somehow have even thought about a retirement plan left me dumbfounded. I don't even have any idea what I want to do/should do one year from now let alone think about my future in 20-30 years time.

Been thinking about it a while. I thought I was content and satisfied with my achievements in life thus far but somehow it seems insignificant to others around me. I don't know why I do this. I know I have done something with my life but somehow I keep belittling myself and as a result of it fall into this depression mode wondering what the heck is my accomplishments and what do I have to show for ? So when is enough really enough ?

Somehow I've been trying to fill this void in my life but have yet to find it and I still stray around looking for something which I have no idea what I'm looking for in the first place. I'm so envious of people who seem to have figured out their life and what they want out of it. I'm still groping in the dark familirising myself with the darkness feeling so lost and confused. I'm too young to have a mid life crisis god damn it !!! Grrrrrrrrr

I should stop torturing myself this way and go through this emotional self doubting roller coaster. Chants *I am happy with who I am and what I have done* HECK CARE OTHERS !!!!!

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