Tuesday, December 05, 2006

I'm too nice for my own good

I've been thinking about this for sometime and I have yet to come to a conclusion. It's been a while since I've been verbally abused and even though I swore I will not let it happen again and yet I just sat there like a fool, being shouted at by someone whom I barely even know. Whyyyyyyyyyy ??? Even after being practically chased away I just stood there like a lost puppy looking at it's angry master hoping for them to calm down, which obviously did not happen.

It took all the strength in my body to turn around and take that first step and walk away. The voice in my head kept asking me to go but the heart just didn't want to respond but eventually enough was enough and with a heavy heart I walked away with my head hung low, as though I was the one who did something wrong and it's my fault that all this happened in the first place.

Why do I need to feel responsible for everyone around me even more so when the person does not even want to be helped ? Why do I take shit from people whom I barely know ? Why do I always swallow my pride and let other people just trample all over me ? I thought I would be able to control my feelings and emotions and not let it get the better of me and yet I find myself in the same situation over and over again knowing very well that in the end that I'm the one that is going to get hurt.

It's as though pain knows my name and often comes looking for me especially when I thought I have left it and it's gone forever out of my life. The best part is the person has said sorry and I never even blamed the person in the first place as I feel I'm somehow responsible for what has happened. Why must I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders ?? Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy ? sigh