Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Blogophobia - fear of blogging

Have been thinking about this long and hard ever since my first post. I have this fear of blogging well not blogging in particular but about having my feelings in writings available for others to read. I guess this is an extension to my real life personality as I'm a self conscious person and don't like the feeling of being judged and critisised but I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way or am I ... hmmmmmmmm

Well I mean like what do I have to loose ? First of all no one really knows the existance of this blog and even those that do have no idea who I am so in a way I have my sense of security even though it's rather fake. Hahaha. What's the point of having a blog if you can't express your feelings the way you want to and have to censor certain things from being posted. Defeats the purpose I guess but then again if I really wanted to post my inner most deepest feelings it wouldn't be on the internet and would be in a diary that is kept in a locked drawer at home. Am I making any sense ??

On one hand I long for the need to share my life with someone just anyone but on the other hand I'm afraid of letting people into my inner thoughts and feelings. Torn in between but then if I truly want to change I guess this is the best way to start. If I were to slowly reveal what's happening to me, be more open to others who actually think something of me will help me in some way understand more about myself and not be too harsh and judgemental on myself. I am my own worst enemy I guess. All it takes is a smile to make my day and in this case maybe by posting and getting accepted by others will help me to accept me for who I am and get a sense of belonging and acceptance ? I just want to be accepted for who I am is that too much to ask for ??

I really admire those who have blogs and don't mind others having a look into their life and at the same time post pictures of themselves and their activities. Seems a bit too much for me to do that at this moment but I'm taking baby steps and having a blog is already a big giant step for me. So the next thing I need to do is to get out of my comfort zone and open out to the world .... WORLD HERE I COME !!!! CHANGE I AM !!!

Here's an interesting blog that you should check out. Love the way she writes well she's a writer after all and it's amusing how she potrays her fear of blogging.