Relay for Life

Have never heard about this before and honestly have never looked twice even if it was advertised in newspapers. Saw a post in Jessica's site here and it got me thinking. It's been a while since I've thought about it and the recent events happening in my life has got me thinking long and hard about a lot of things including my dad.

Here's a skeleton from my closet which I've been keeping for such a long time and I guess after so long I think I'm ready to let it out ?

Few years back my dad was diagnosed with Stage 2 colon cancer and when that happened I could feel my whole world just crumbling down. When he first found out he was equally shocked because he takes quite good care of his health and doesn't smoke and drinks ocassionaly and very seldom can you see him sick. In fact sometimes I feel he's healthier than me !! We went to get a few opinions and it was confirmed that he has cancer and needs to get an operation.

I was devastated. I was angry with the world, with my friends, with life, with anything and everything. Even the slightest thing set me off and all I wanted to do is crawl into a corner and be left alone. I had so much anger within me that I scared myself sometimes.

He went into the operation which took like almost forever and before he got into the operation theatre I could not stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks. My sis and mum were already crying bucket loads and I tried to be the strong one. Tried to hold back as much as possible as this could be the last time I ever see my dad and I have to assume the responsiblity of being the man in the house.

He was in there for the longest time and when the he was suppose to be out we still didn't hear any news. My sis started crying again and I told her that everything will be okay and I'm sure our dad will be fine. He's always been a fighter !! My greatest fear was there were complications or the cancer has spread to other parts of the body.

Finally the doctor came out and said he has done the best he could and now my dad has to do the rest because it was a long operation his body needs to recover and only will then the doctor be able to see the results. He was in ICU for a few days and it was an aweful period for me. The first time I saw him with all type of tubes and machines connected to him my heart just fell to the floor. He looked so pale, weak, unconscious and not the same person I remembered him to be. When he finally woke all I could do was squeeze his hand and give him a weak smile.

The doctor said the operation went well but the recovery period will be quite hard and he has to go for chemotherapy which will put him and his body under a lot of stress. It was many trips to and fro the hospital and helping out my dad in and out of bed and basically just being there for him. He was trying to be as nice as possible but because of the pain and probably the anger that he himself has, he was quite a difficult person to deal with and that alone thought me loads of patience.

We finally got him back home and within months he was back to his jolly self. It's been a while since that day and he's doing fine but the possibility of the cancer growing is still there and he has to go for checkup once in a while. I've never thought about it since that day and have never told many about it. I guess I was still living in denial and have this perfect picture of a healthy and energetic man full of spirit in my mind and don't want that image to be tarnished.

After finding out that there might be other people out there who might not be as lucky as me and might have lost a loved one to cancer I decided that this year I will try to somehow get involved in the Relay for Life which is organised by National Cancer Society of Malaysia. I might not be directly involved in the relay but I will definitely go there to support the cause. I might talk to my dad about it and bring him there as well. We have not talked about his cancer since his operation and I guess it's time I opened up to him as well and accept the fact that he's sick and not the man he used to be.

I love you dad and I hope you live to be a hundred and you are able to hold your grandchildrens in your arms before you say goodbye for the very last time.

See here for more details regarding the event.